Divorce Guilt

It’s a horrible thing! I go to bed with it, I wake up with it,  I feel it constantly. I sometimes wonder if I feel more guilty because I’m divorced or if it would be the same if I was still married to the kid’s dad.

I try my very best like all other parents but I always feel like there is more I should be doing, saying, thinking….

The guilt I feel being a single mom is horrible. I feel like I have ruined my kids life, I have made them different, I have hurt their spirit.

But really when I think about it, have I ruined them or is this going to make them who they are suppose to be in life. I guess I really won’t ever know.

Here’s my question. WHY am I punishing myself??

Is it okay to feel happy or excited when you get time alone without my kids? I  felt that way when I was married. I never hesitated to go out with my girlfriends when I was married, I planned the events and looked forward to them!

Having time away can be a good thing, and when my kids come back, I appreciate them more, and am a  better parent.

Also, I need to remind myself that it’s ok to enjoy Eric and be madly in love with him. I deserve to be happy and in love after the years of unhappiness I had in your marriage.

All my guilt does, is make me feel bad about myself. Plus, it causes me stress and anxiety, which can lead to physical symptoms, such as stomach issues, depression, and in return it takes my thoughts and actions away from my kids!!

As I was feeling sad and guilty this past weekend, I decided to read up on guilt and some of the symptoms are: Fault, responsibility, blame, culpability, shame. I feel those symptoms all the time!

Here is what they say the definition of guilt is: Awareness of wrongdoing, an awareness of having done wrong or committed a crime, accompanied by feelings of shame and regret.

Does this relate to what I have done by getting divorced? NO!! I need to stop feeling guilty. I didn’t COMMIT A CRIME  by getting divorced. I did what I thought was best for me and my children. I am not a bad person for getting divorced…I need to keep reminding myself of this!

I saw this quote and I have to admit it made me feel a teeny tiny bit better.

We need to stop surrounding ourselves with guilt. We deserve to feel happy, we deserve to feel love. It is ok to miss our kids and we need to remember  when they come home, there is nothing better than seeing their beautiful faces light up when they see us!