There are two dates I dread every year. One is August 8th (on a positive, it’s a good day too, Cissy’s birthday) and August 16th.
I woke up August 8th 2013 excited to celebrate Cissy’s 6th birthday. I had her donut cake all ready to go and couldn’t wait to spend the day celebrating her! And then I got the phone call… My mom called me to tell me it was time to get a hold of my brothers and go to the funeral home to make arrangements for my dad. I hung up the phone, I texted my three brothers and asked if they were able to meet me at the funeral home. I then texted Cissy’s dad and asked if he could get the kids for the day and told him of my new plans. The kids got picked up and spent the day with their dad and I left to go to the funeral home alone. My sweet brothers weren’t ready to deal with the fact the one man we loved and admired so much was leaving this earth after a 9 year battle with Cancer. I understood completely, I was in a bit of shock myself but as my father’s daughter I had to be strong…my mom needed this. I stepped out of my car at the funeral home and up walked my beautiful friend. She had lost her father years before from cancer. She told me she wouldn’t let me do this alone. We walked together into the one building I have hated my whole life. I got all the information that was needed and met all the write people and headed to my parents’ house.
We called hospice over and sat and listened to all their information and how the next few days were going to go. They were very kind and loving people. My dad came out and sat in his favorite chair and listened along with us. I think that was one of the worst parts to witness….watching his face as he heard he was about to die. The days that followed were tough. Horrible to be exact. You feel as if you are living in a nightmare. The days are long and the nights are even longer. You can’t sleep because you are so worried something is going to happen if you do. I left my house on August 8th and did not return until August 17th. My mom was losing her best friend, the love of her life. I couldn’t bear to leave her. My kids were with their dad and for that I will be forever grateful. We had so many people come and visit and bring us food. My dad was an amazing man and so many people wanted to come and say goodbye to him. The love people had for him was glorious to witness but their goodbyes were heartbreaking. I had my kids come over one last time to kiss their papa and say goodbye, what a heart wrenching sight to see. Days went by and we watched my dad die slowly. We watched his face change, his skin change and as we watched we memorized his features so they would be imbedded into our minds and hearts forever.
August 16th 2013…we got up just like we did every day. We made sure my dad was comfortable, hospice came, they washed his sweet body, they asked us for his favorite t-shirt (Ohio State Buckeyes) and put it on him and left to go about their day. One my one my brothers and sister in-laws came back after work. We all were gathered in the living room talking like we had done for days. My mom walked by her bedroom to join us in the living room but stopped in to check on my dad. She walked out and said he is gone. We all hurried in to see him and gathered around his body and all held hands and one another….he was gone.
He left this earth with his favorite t-shirt on and all of his family in his home, I know he was at peace.
There were so many sad, heartbreaking moments from August 8th –August 16th but one thing that was amazing was we all put our differences aside and we loved and supported one another. We have had differences in our family for year but for those 8 days we were a family again. We cried, we laughed, and we enjoyed one another. I know my dad was ok leaving this earth knowing we had reconnected even if it was for a short time.
It has been 3 years and I still cry and miss him all the time. I miss holding his hand, feeling his skin, and the amazing hugs he gave me when I would walk into my parents’ house. I wish he could come and watch my kids play sports, give them advice, and just be in their presence. I do see my dad in my 4 kids and that is the best gift he could have left me. I still talk to him all the time and I know he hears me. I know he is proud of the life I have found for myself and my kids. I know he loves Eric and his girls, he might not have met them here on earth but he sees us every day and watches over us.
Thank you dad for showing me love and allowing me to always be your little girl. I will forever treasure my time with you and the memories we created together.
Life as a Party of 9 